28 March 2009

The Final Countdown

2 more chemo sessions!!! My how the time flies. Well not really but oh how I am glad to see the end on the horizon, and trips out of the state of Ohio on my agenda.

22 March 2009

Brenda Walsh

Before my tumor was officially diagnosed as cancer, my friend Anne nicknamed my tumor "Brenda Walsh" in honor of the episode of Beverly Hills 90210 (version 1) when Brenda finds a lump in her breast. Over the years, I had not rewatched this particular episode. I am not sure why not since I watch 90210 whenever it is on, especially the reruns on SoapNet. Somehow I missed this particular episode whenever it was on.

Recently, thanks to CBS.com, I have been watching the entire first season of 90210. Last week, I finally came across the episode with Brenda's tumor (AKA the SAT episode). As the episode unfolds, Brenda tells the story of her aunt who had breast cancer. Her aunt was 34 years old, had a mastectomy, and chemo, but the cancer still returned in her other breast to eventually kill her. Even thought the story is totally fictional, and on a stupid 90s teen drama, the story of Brenda's aunt doesn't sit well with me. I couldn't stop crying. I kept trying but I couldn't stop myself. Stupid TV.

Very soon I need to make a decision about my other breast. Do I remove it or not? One side of me thinks I should keep it, the other side says cut it off. In early April, I have my second appointment with my reconstruction surgeon, and need to have made a decision. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be thinking about what to do. Stupid decisions.

21 March 2009

Exhaustion

I can't believe how tired I have been lately. Last night I slept almost 12 hours. I have slept that much in years, and right now I can barely hold my head up. My body is tired. My concentration is shot. I'm looking forward to watching something silly on television.

Tomorrow and Monday, I am working both afternoons at an informational fair for seniors. I hope I don't crash. That would be ugly. Usually I hide in my office when I work, so being on display is a first for me since the chemo began. Wish me luck!

19 March 2009

Unwanted Side Effects

The current time in Ohio is 2:30am and I cannot sleep. Thank you steroids. I went to chemo this morning which means that I am unable to sleep no matter how tired I am. I want to sleep, I love to sleep.

Another unpleasant side effect of chemo is hot flashes. Getting an early preview of menopause is not something anyone should experience. The hot flashes started a couple of weeks ago. I feel really warm and beads of sweat appear on my forehead.

Aches and pains are my other recurring annoyances. My toe "knuckles" ache. Sometimes my knees feel as if they are going to give out on me. My arms also are achy. Basically I experience lots of joint pain.

And I am often very tired. Exhaustion is becoming a way of life. The nurse today explained to me that the exhaustion is cumulative. I have one month left, and am tired all the time. Earlier in my Taxol rounds, I felt almost normal but the drug side effects are beginning to catch up with me. The nurse also told me that it is possible that I will take a while to regain my usual stamina after the chemo is over which is no good. I've got plans, and nothing is going to stop me. I need to leave the state of Ohio.

On the other side of evil chemo side effects, I am lucky to have been relatively healthy before chemo began. I never lost all my eyebrows or eyelashes. My nails did not turn gross and nasty. I never vomited. Of course I better be careful about what I saw. I still have 3 more sessions of chemo left. If there is one thing that I have learned from cancer experience, anything is possible.