Brenda Walsh

Before my tumor was officially diagnosed as cancer, my friend Anne nicknamed my tumor "Brenda Walsh" in honor of the episode of Beverly Hills 90210 (version 1) when Brenda finds a lump in her breast. Over the years, I had not rewatched this particular episode. I am not sure why not since I watch 90210 whenever it is on, especially the reruns on SoapNet. Somehow I missed this particular episode whenever it was on.

Recently, thanks to CBS.com, I have been watching the entire first season of 90210. Last week, I finally came across the episode with Brenda's tumor (AKA the SAT episode). As the episode unfolds, Brenda tells the story of her aunt who had breast cancer. Her aunt was 34 years old, had a mastectomy, and chemo, but the cancer still returned in her other breast to eventually kill her. Even thought the story is totally fictional, and on a stupid 90s teen drama, the story of Brenda's aunt doesn't sit well with me. I couldn't stop crying. I kept trying but I couldn't stop myself. Stupid TV.

Very soon I need to make a decision about my other breast. Do I remove it or not? One side of me thinks I should keep it, the other side says cut it off. In early April, I have my second appointment with my reconstruction surgeon, and need to have made a decision. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be thinking about what to do. Stupid decisions.