Private Quarters

For me, my cancer diagnosis has always been a private matter. I shared it with mainly friends and family. Due to my wedding happening two months after the diagnosis, I probably shared it with more people than I felt necessary, but I didn't want someone attending the wedding to learn about my situation at the wedding. If you were close enough to me to be there, you deserved to know.

At the time of my diagnosis and first surgery, I shared my situation with very coworkers. A few months later, when it came time to begin chemo, I felt that those who worked closely me deserved to learn about my medical status. And luckily, many of my coworkers respected my privacy and didn't gossip. Many colleagues didn't even realize what was happening until it was over, until I stopped wearing my wig. Being almost bald is kind of a giveaway. And I think there are many who still don't know.

My reason for being quiet was because I never wanted to be defined by a few rogue cells that decided to take root and grow within my body. Once you tell people that you have cancer, the disease takes over your life. People begin to look at you differently. Conversations are awkward. I didn't want my life to be only about the cancer.

Today, NPR produced a piece about people who feel differently than me. In fact, one person is quoted as thinking that a television character who is private about having cancer is not believable character. "Turning Cancer, Other Diseases, Into Causes" discusses changes in society's attitude over the past few decades regarding sharing diagnoses and promoting disease awareness.

As I write this blog entry, I wonder if you might find me hypocritical for claiming privacy since I write a blog. My blog began as a way to share what was happening in my life with a few close friends so I wouldn't have to call everyone every time something new happened. As my medical adventures have began to die down, I've wondered if keeping the blog going was necessary. My psychologist encourages me to write a journal as a form of therapy, and this blog is my cancer journal.

And I keep my blog public, just in case someone out there, maybe recently diagnosed with breast cancer, worrying that they may be alone, possibly overwhelmed by a scary sea of rah-rah pink.