Full Support

Yesterday I wore a real bra for the first time since September 2008. Since the mastectomy, I have worn a mess of medical bras, light weight Gap sporty bras, prosthetics inside and outside bras, and nothing. The wearing of the bra was as uneventful as it should be.

Last week I went to Nordstrom's for a fitting. I chose Nordstrom for two reasons: customer service and their prosthetic program. Prior to my catching the cancer, my shopping experiences in department store lingerie departments had been less than comforting. Once when seeking a minimizing bra to fit into a special order bridesmaid dress, the sales lady loudly informed me that I could "just duct tape 'em, honey." At other stores, the sales clerks were nonexistent or uninformed. The only store that was ever helpful was Nordstrom's.

I was a bit hesitant about foisting my chopped-up torso onto an unsuspecting sales person, especially since the only people to have seen my winking smiley face (my nickname for my scars) have been my medical teams, my husband, and my mother. So while I got the go-ahead to wear bras from my surgeon a few months ago, I put it off. In my hunt for a nice lingerie store in the area, I discovered that Nordstrom's has a Prosthesis Program. I called ahead to explain my situation and was told I wouldn't need an appointment. So last Friday, I first went to a spa for a facial, and then to Nordstrom's for a bra fitting. The sales ladies were wonderful. They barely batted an eye; just went about grabbing different bras, whipping them on and off me until we found 3 that I liked. Their only concern was if I had healed from my surgeries.

If I could afford it, I don't know if I would shop anywhere else for bras ever again. I rarely leave a store feeling good about myself (a long boring story/rant about how clothing retailers don't make and/or sell  clothing for tall women and/or sell them in their stores), but I did on Friday. Thank you, Nordstrom's.

Moving Right Along

On Tuesday, we went to see magic fingers for a 6-week post-surgical appointment. As per usual, I have been healing wonderfully, and the surgeon is pleased with his work. He told me I am free to do what I want. No more restrictions on swimming, bathing, exercise or clothing. Yippee!!!

At Home Recuperating

Surgery was uneventful. Phew! On Tuesday, Brandon and I arrived at the surgical facility at 6:30am, were checked-in immediately, and minutes later I was whisked back into the surgical prep zone. The nurse assigned to prep me was the same nurse as last time (although this time she didn't tell me to stop being a brat). My surgeon arrived soon after, we discussed the surgical plans, and he marked up my torso with a purple pen to note the plans. Brandon was then brought back to see me for a few minutes. Within an hour or so, I was being sedated and wheeled into surgery. I am always amazed at how quickly the sedatives work via the IV.

The surgery lasted a couple of hours, I'm not sure exactly how long. My memories of post-surgery are a little vague. The nurses gave me a pain medicine which made me very dopey and sleepy, and caused me to forget to breathe. The nurses reminded me at least twice to breathe. Brandon was eventually brought back to be with me. The nurses eventually fed me ice chips, tea, and Lorna Doones. I was told that the Lorna Doones may be phased out from the hospital, and this upsets me a bit, so if I am called for a survey about my experience, I will make a comment about keeping the Lorna Doones. I think I was released from the hospital about 1:30ish. The drive home was uneventful. I drank my smoothie and dozed. Brandon and I arrived at home about 3:30ish, and I haven't been back outside since.

Prep Work

Before my surgeries, I madly attempt to make my house a more hospitable destination for healing. Since Brandon will not be home with me during the day, I need to know that food and entertainment will be easily accessible. Yesterday, we went to Trader Joe's, where I stocked up on cheese, hummus, crackers, chips, and fruit. After five surgeries, I know what I like to eat when I'm at home and don't feel well. Today has been whirlwind of activity around the house. And now I am exhausted, and drinking my last glass of wine for a few weeks.

Today's To Do List included the following tasks

• Multiple loads of laundry, folded and put away. Now I do laundry often, but usually I let the clean clothes pile up on the guest bed until it is time to do laundry again (meaning that the pile is gone).
  
• Found old VHS tapes to watch. I plan to spend time on guest bed since it is in the "coolest" room in the house. The VCR is in the same room, so I plan to watch some of my old VHS tapes. So glad the movies weren't purchased at the yard sale nor did I give them to Goodwill.
  
• Prepared and/or cooked the following items for consumption during the upcoming week: chopped cantaloupe, chopped and blended gazpacho, zucchini cake with chocolate chips, and cleaned sweet cherries. Also put ginger ale and sparkling water cans in fridge. And then cooked fresh peaches in grapeseed oil with leftover pulled pork, and corn fritters for dinner.
  
• Tore out recipes, decorating tips, and party ideas from old issues of the Martha Stewart magazine before tossing the magazines in the recycling bin. Not really a necessary pre-surgical task but something I'd been meaning to do for about a year. What would be a better time than when I've got a billion other things to do? I certainly can't think of one.
  

I keep thinking that I have forgotten something. And even if I have, it is not the end of the world. But I hate being entirely reliant on someone to do basic tasks for me. I won't be able to drive for a few weeks. I may not be able to sit up by myself. I won't know the full level of my limitations until Tuesday when I wake up from surgery. So I plan and prepare for the worst.

No Tubes!

Earlier this week, I underwent the first of what will probably be two follow-up surgeries to the DIEP procedure that I had in October. The procedure was outpatient. My arrival time was scheduled at 10am. Since I get anxious before any surgery, and am not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the night before, I felt it best if Brandon and I spent the night near the surgical facility (we live about 1.5 hours away so not being able to even drink water would have made really cranky). Thanks to Priceline, I was able to secure a room for $39 at the hotel closest to the surgical facility. After work, on Monday evening, we headed up north on I-71, checked into the hotel, ate some dinner, wandered around the local mall, and watched some Olympic Ice Dancing on tv.

The next morning, at 10am, I checked in for surgery. Luckily the insurance issues seemed to have been sorted out. The nurses dressed me in a surgical gown, hat, and footies (I did get to keep my penguin socks on underneath the footies). The IV was inserted with no problem. Brandon was then allowed back in pre-op area to sit with me while I waited. And then we waited. My doctor didn't finish the prior patient until almost 2pm. When Magic Fingers did stop by, he was apologetic and said there were no surgeries scheduled after me, so all of his attention could be focused on me. He then grabbed his trusty purple marker and proceeded to draw all over my torso to mark the areas where he planned to work. Brandon said, when the doctor was finished, that my chest and stomach resembled a jack o' lantern.

After the surgeon completed making his markings, the nurses came back, injected some sedatives to my IV, I kissed Brandon, and was out cold. The last thing I remember was lying on my bed and being rolled out of the room where I had been waiting. And then I woke up on the other side (of the room).

The surgical wing was practically empty. Almost everyone had left for the day. Even most of the lights were turned off. Kind of creepy. And none of the remaining nursing staff could answer many of our questions. I simply ate my Lorna Doones, drank some ginger ale, and was ready to go home. My recommendations for anyone having outpatient surgery: Don't be the last patient of the day.

Thankfully, my body seems to be doing ok. I'm sore. I have difficulty bending and picking myself up off the couch or bed. But I don't have any tubes, and having no tubes is a very good place to be.

Cream-y

So it has been a little more than two months since my big ass surgery. According to my surgeon, whom I have begun calling Magic Fingers but not too his face, things are looking good. The fat is settling into its to new location on my chest. He can now see what needs to be fixed. One "breast" is larger than the other. The other "breast" is lopsided. And the stomach area also needs some touching up. My next follow-up surgery will be outpatient, and should only take about 2-3 hours which is no time at all if you remember that my October surgery was about 15 hours.

The only lingering issue for me right now is that my stomach scar is taking forever to heal. It seems that some of the stitches are disintegrating like they are supposed to. In order to help move this process along, while in the shower, I clean the hole/indentation in my stomach with a cotton swab, and then put on my fancy silver sulfadiazine cream.

Despite a downturn economy, I'm doing my best to keep the lotion companies in business. I use a variety of baby skin lotions on my new "breasts" and stomach. Gotta keep the skin supple. Sometimes I feel like all I do is rub lotion on myself. Good times!

Surgery Update

Last week I had a tissue expander implanted in me. The expander will be pumped up and force my skin to grow. The skin will then be used to create my brand, new, fancy breast. The entire stretching process should take about three months.

The procedure knocked me down a bit more than I anticipated. My original plan was to return to work on the Tuesday following the procedure. Instead, it is now Friday, and I am still at home (working but at home). Thank goodness for VPNs and the web, it is almost like I am at the office but instead of my team of nurses sleeping beside me while I lounge on the couch in my pajamas with my laptop. I could very easily become adjusted to this way of life.

Yesterday, Brandon and I returned to Cleveland to have my drainage tube removed, which was an uneventful process. We did spend quite a bit of time in the waiting room. While waiting to see the doctor, a young woman and her family were also there. By young woman, I mean someone in her 30s. I wish I knew her name so I could give her an online shout out of encouragement. She was bald (from chemo) and proud of it. She even wore a t-shirt which explained her situation -- it said something like "I'm bald from my medicine" but better, I just can't remember the exact comment.

I could never have done what she is doing. She was so confident and seemed to have such a positive attitude (or least from what I overheard in her conversations with others). I wish that I had seen her earlier in my process because it might have made being bald easier for me. I could barely walk around my house without some kind of head covering on.

So while I didn't say it yesterday, and I'll probably never see the proud bald lady again, I do want to acknowledge what a wonderful role model she is for all the young, bald, cancer patients. I wish I could have been more like her.

Tubes

Yesterday I had my first of many reconstruction surgeries. I have tubes everywhere, or so it feels. The evil drainage tube (from the mastectomy) is back. And I have a sack of fluid pain medication which is pumping into me via two tubes.

At this time, I am uncomfortable and groggy, but more information on this surgery and the future surgeries will be forthcoming.