At Home Recuperating

Surgery was uneventful. Phew! On Tuesday, Brandon and I arrived at the surgical facility at 6:30am, were checked-in immediately, and minutes later I was whisked back into the surgical prep zone. The nurse assigned to prep me was the same nurse as last time (although this time she didn't tell me to stop being a brat). My surgeon arrived soon after, we discussed the surgical plans, and he marked up my torso with a purple pen to note the plans. Brandon was then brought back to see me for a few minutes. Within an hour or so, I was being sedated and wheeled into surgery. I am always amazed at how quickly the sedatives work via the IV.

The surgery lasted a couple of hours, I'm not sure exactly how long. My memories of post-surgery are a little vague. The nurses gave me a pain medicine which made me very dopey and sleepy, and caused me to forget to breathe. The nurses reminded me at least twice to breathe. Brandon was eventually brought back to be with me. The nurses eventually fed me ice chips, tea, and Lorna Doones. I was told that the Lorna Doones may be phased out from the hospital, and this upsets me a bit, so if I am called for a survey about my experience, I will make a comment about keeping the Lorna Doones. I think I was released from the hospital about 1:30ish. The drive home was uneventful. I drank my smoothie and dozed. Brandon and I arrived at home about 3:30ish, and I haven't been back outside since.

Prep Work

Before my surgeries, I madly attempt to make my house a more hospitable destination for healing. Since Brandon will not be home with me during the day, I need to know that food and entertainment will be easily accessible. Yesterday, we went to Trader Joe's, where I stocked up on cheese, hummus, crackers, chips, and fruit. After five surgeries, I know what I like to eat when I'm at home and don't feel well. Today has been whirlwind of activity around the house. And now I am exhausted, and drinking my last glass of wine for a few weeks.

Today's To Do List included the following tasks

• Multiple loads of laundry, folded and put away. Now I do laundry often, but usually I let the clean clothes pile up on the guest bed until it is time to do laundry again (meaning that the pile is gone).
  
• Found old VHS tapes to watch. I plan to spend time on guest bed since it is in the "coolest" room in the house. The VCR is in the same room, so I plan to watch some of my old VHS tapes. So glad the movies weren't purchased at the yard sale nor did I give them to Goodwill.
  
• Prepared and/or cooked the following items for consumption during the upcoming week: chopped cantaloupe, chopped and blended gazpacho, zucchini cake with chocolate chips, and cleaned sweet cherries. Also put ginger ale and sparkling water cans in fridge. And then cooked fresh peaches in grapeseed oil with leftover pulled pork, and corn fritters for dinner.
  
• Tore out recipes, decorating tips, and party ideas from old issues of the Martha Stewart magazine before tossing the magazines in the recycling bin. Not really a necessary pre-surgical task but something I'd been meaning to do for about a year. What would be a better time than when I've got a billion other things to do? I certainly can't think of one.
  

I keep thinking that I have forgotten something. And even if I have, it is not the end of the world. But I hate being entirely reliant on someone to do basic tasks for me. I won't be able to drive for a few weeks. I may not be able to sit up by myself. I won't know the full level of my limitations until Tuesday when I wake up from surgery. So I plan and prepare for the worst.

Numbers.. It is all about the numbers

According to the blogging software, I am now writing my 100th post. Wow! Who would have thought that I could write even ten posts? Certainly not me.

Yesterday was my 36th birthday. Next month will be the two-year anniversary of me finding that sneaky, evil lump of cells in my boob. And guess what cancer cells, I'm still alive. Screw you!

Next week, I will undergo my sixth surgery (surgeries are as follows: mastectomy, port installation, tissue expander installation, DIEP procedure, and DIEP follow-up #1). Hopefully this procedure will be the last one. My body would like to rest.

Surgery Follow-Up

Brandon and I traveled to Cleveland yesterday for my post-surgical follow-up visit. Scars are looking good. Magic Fingers is preparing for a presentation and asked if I would allow him to use photos of me, to which I agreed. So I got to have a photo session of my new torso. Otherwise, it was a fairly routine visit. While having the tape scrapped of me, we did chat about Belgium -- turns out Magic Fingers is a big fan, so he gave us some recommendations for our upcoming trip.

In regards to recovering, my energy levels are increasing. On Sunday, when Brandon and I went to Target to get me some spanx-like undergarments (which I will need to wear for about a month to help keep my abdomen in place), he was concerned that I wouldn't be able to walk the entire length of the box store. So he suggested I get one of the motorized carts. What a bizarre experience. Other customers pretty much did their best to not look at me, or avoid me at all cost. The cart did move a bit faster than I would have guessed, so that was pretty cool. But yesterday, I was able to walk around a mall and eat a really high caloric Mrs. Field's cookie. No more motorized carts for me.

I'm sorry this entry is kind of lame. I'm really sleepy but it is too late in the afternoon for me to take a nap. The neighborhood was a buzz with activity this afternoon so I couldn't calm down enough to rest when a nap would have been appropriate. The former neighbor that drives around town on a riding mower recently returned, and he kept revving his ride off and on during prime napping time. The teenagers up the street discovered whistles, so I kept hearing a constant bleet followed by peels of laughter. And someone, somewhere nearby was hammering all afternoon. I think I might go to bed really early tonight. Oh if only my 25-year old self could see me now.

Fresh Air

Wow! I just realized that I haven't been outside of the house since arriving back home Tuesday night after my surgery. No wonder I'm beginning to sense a bit of stir-craziness in my bones. Unfortunately, my mobility is not great, and according to my local news source my county is under a low level snow emergency. Crap! So leaving the house is probably not a good idea. My body would not be so happy with me if I slipped and fell. To give you an idea of my mobility levels, I can barely walk up and the down the stairs on my own, and I can't sit up in bed without assistance. Does anyone have any low energy entertainment suggestions?

No Tubes!

Earlier this week, I underwent the first of what will probably be two follow-up surgeries to the DIEP procedure that I had in October. The procedure was outpatient. My arrival time was scheduled at 10am. Since I get anxious before any surgery, and am not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the night before, I felt it best if Brandon and I spent the night near the surgical facility (we live about 1.5 hours away so not being able to even drink water would have made really cranky). Thanks to Priceline, I was able to secure a room for $39 at the hotel closest to the surgical facility. After work, on Monday evening, we headed up north on I-71, checked into the hotel, ate some dinner, wandered around the local mall, and watched some Olympic Ice Dancing on tv.

The next morning, at 10am, I checked in for surgery. Luckily the insurance issues seemed to have been sorted out. The nurses dressed me in a surgical gown, hat, and footies (I did get to keep my penguin socks on underneath the footies). The IV was inserted with no problem. Brandon was then allowed back in pre-op area to sit with me while I waited. And then we waited. My doctor didn't finish the prior patient until almost 2pm. When Magic Fingers did stop by, he was apologetic and said there were no surgeries scheduled after me, so all of his attention could be focused on me. He then grabbed his trusty purple marker and proceeded to draw all over my torso to mark the areas where he planned to work. Brandon said, when the doctor was finished, that my chest and stomach resembled a jack o' lantern.

After the surgeon completed making his markings, the nurses came back, injected some sedatives to my IV, I kissed Brandon, and was out cold. The last thing I remember was lying on my bed and being rolled out of the room where I had been waiting. And then I woke up on the other side (of the room).

The surgical wing was practically empty. Almost everyone had left for the day. Even most of the lights were turned off. Kind of creepy. And none of the remaining nursing staff could answer many of our questions. I simply ate my Lorna Doones, drank some ginger ale, and was ready to go home. My recommendations for anyone having outpatient surgery: Don't be the last patient of the day.

Thankfully, my body seems to be doing ok. I'm sore. I have difficulty bending and picking myself up off the couch or bed. But I don't have any tubes, and having no tubes is a very good place to be.

Survived Surgery

Later this week, when I'm more coherent I'll write about my day of surgery, but I did want to let you know that I am at home and recuperating. The surgery seems to have been successful, and thanks to my pain medication, I'm feeling pretty good. :)

Surgery Scheduled

My first of two followup surgeries for my DIEP procedure has finally been scheduled. I will go under the knife on February 23rd. When I last saw Magic Fingers (my nickname for my surgeon), he said this surgery should only take a couple of hours. Compared with the 15 hours of the last one, two hours is nothing.

Now begins my mad dash to complete all the half-finished projects at work. Plus I will need to find time some day this week (exact time and date are TBD) to go to a doctor, have a not very invasive physical to determine if my body can withstand surgery, and get some blood drawn. A chance exists that I may get to go to my local doctor, but with the scheduling being so last minute, I worry that I won't be able to make an appointment with enough time. Sometimes my doctor's office can be difficult when making appointments, although it seems ever since I entered into the world of breast cancer, I get some preferential treatment. My local doctor was diagnosed with it last year, and I wonder if my file has been tagged because I've been able to get an appointment fairly easily, and sometimes when I am not even sure if the office is open for business. If I can't see the local doctor, I will probably be making a day-long trip to Cleveland.

I need to stop stressing about work, but I've got a lot to do in a very short time. And this time it is not because I am procrastinator (which I am). If this surgery were happening over the summer, I would not be as nearly stressed as I am today. I work at a college, so my stress levels vary depending upon the semester cycle. Since spring break is only a couple of weeks away, students are needing midterm assistance. I've got a library instruction session scheduled for early this week. Each one of these sessions needs to be custom tailored to the class, and even more specifically, to the assignment. Ack! Plus I am one of the main planners for an event for the campus which is scheduled for right after my surgery, which means I've got a lot of work to do before my surgery. Some of the work can be delegated but it does look like I'll be going to work today, on Saturday, so I can begin the week being partially organized. Boo!

Cat Psychology

Lately my cat, Betsy, has been acting strange. Brandon and I aren't sure how old she is. The vet seems to think she is anywhere between the ages of 9 and 12, and offers to give her a senior pet exam to help us diagnose what the issues may be. She sits and meows at me for no reason. I think she has become a "kitty treat" addict, and is going through withdrawal if I don't feed her 10 treats a day.

Sometimes I call Betsy my teenage daughter. One moment she will be all cuddly and needy, the next moment I can't do anything right. But now all she does is yell at me. She won't cuddle, which is why I think she has been acting strange lately. She purrs and will come near me but she won't sit in my lap. Her actions have made me sad. Especially when I see her cuddling with Brandon.

Yesterday I had a lightbulb moment. Betsy is afraid to sit in my lap. After my surgery, we were vigilant in keeping the cats away from my torso. One night, soon after I returned home from the hospital, Brandon woke up to me breathing oddly and found Betsy asleep on my chest -- not good. We were constantly telling her no. Or simply picking her up and removing her. Which would now explain why she will not come near me, or is at the very least, extremely hesitant to come near me.

Since more surgery is in the not so far off future, I don't want to continue to confuse her, so I will not force the issue and continue to invite her onto my lap, but the lack of kitty cuddles still makes me sad.

Brenda Walsh

Before my tumor was officially diagnosed as cancer, my friend Anne nicknamed my tumor "Brenda Walsh" in honor of the episode of Beverly Hills 90210 (version 1) when Brenda finds a lump in her breast. Over the years, I had not rewatched this particular episode. I am not sure why not since I watch 90210 whenever it is on, especially the reruns on SoapNet. Somehow I missed this particular episode whenever it was on.

Recently, thanks to CBS.com, I have been watching the entire first season of 90210. Last week, I finally came across the episode with Brenda's tumor (AKA the SAT episode). As the episode unfolds, Brenda tells the story of her aunt who had breast cancer. Her aunt was 34 years old, had a mastectomy, and chemo, but the cancer still returned in her other breast to eventually kill her. Even thought the story is totally fictional, and on a stupid 90s teen drama, the story of Brenda's aunt doesn't sit well with me. I couldn't stop crying. I kept trying but I couldn't stop myself. Stupid TV.

Very soon I need to make a decision about my other breast. Do I remove it or not? One side of me thinks I should keep it, the other side says cut it off. In early April, I have my second appointment with my reconstruction surgeon, and need to have made a decision. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be thinking about what to do. Stupid decisions.

A tummy tuck is included

Sooo excited... I went for my 3 month post surgery doctor's appointment this morning. Even all these months later, I still really like my surgeon and her team. I'd love to go for afterwork drinks with these people. They just seem like really nice, fun, caring people. The first thing my doctor wanted to do was see wedding photos but sadly the hospital bans Facebook from their computers (what's up with that!?!?), so I promised the doctor that I would email her the link to our photos when the photographer let's us know that the photos are ready.

But the reason why I am soooo excited... my surgeon arranged for me to get an appointment with one of the few doctors in the country who does the diep flap reconstruction surgery. The diep flap surgery uses only stomach fat, no muscle, to build a breast. This means that if I am fertile after all of my chemo treatment (50/50 odds), I will also be physically able to have a baby. The more mainstream reconstructive surgical procedure, called the tram flap, uses stomach muscle & fat, but destroys any future hopes of pregnancy for me. The tram flap is fine for post-menopausal women or women who don't plan to have children, but not for me who hopes to one day be pregnant.

Yippee!!!

And my scar is healing nicely.